I know it's time for me to move house when I lose my front door keys and lock myself out. It's a sure sign that things are about to get shittier than they already are. I always obey my lost front door key superstition, and move out as soon as possible.
This comes from the time when I was about twentyone/twentytwo and moved into a studio apartment in Elizabeth Bay on my own. The Real Estate agent called it Elizabeth Bay, but you and I know it's really Kings Cross and dodgy as fuck. A fairly stupid place to move to on your own as a young girl, but hey I'm like that.
The day I moved in, I was in the apartment unpacking my meagre belongings. It didn't take long, so I went to to the corner store to get some milk and bread, to try and feel normal. When I got back the lock on my front door had been superglued by some crazy who lived on the groundfloor and hated women.
I put my key into the door of my new studio apartment and as I tried to pull it out it just o o o z e d out then stuck there. I was stuck in the hallway on the fifth floor of my new apartment block crying my eyes out.
This was before everyone had mobile phones, so I had to introduce myself to the elderly lady next door to use her phone and call an out-of-hours locksmith.
"Don't take it personally," she said, "He does it to all the new girls who move into this building."
There were no locksmiths available so I called a friend who called one of his friends who was a professional thief. This guy eventually turned up with an impressive black bag full of breaking and entering tools, and drilled through my lock.
"I'd get that lock changed if I was you," he said, "It's really easy to break into."
Then I had to live in that studio apartment on my own - the only noise at night was the elevator creaking up and down the lift shaft. It would go up and down all night. It's still one of the spookiest and emptiest sounds I've ever heard. And all the time that womanhating crazyfucker was living on the ground floor.
instead of saying: to break tradition, I think I'll move house this time before I lose my keys.
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